Im so tired of being like this! Im just going to stop being so *%@#ing shy and get on in my life. Ill talk to or smile at Kevin tomorrow and stop letting people see my pain. I just wish all the emotions like sadness andanger and envy and jealousy and pain would just go away!!! Im so tired of dealing with them!!!! So ill put on my happy mask and pretend for everybody around me. Im not going to deal with sympathy anymore. Im going to be so happy people wont be able to stand it! then... maybe... i wont feel this terrible.